Cultivating truth, goodness, and beauty grounded in the Christian worldview
Cultivating truth, goodness, and beauty grounded in the Christian worldview
There is something about the holy day of Christmas that can even attract people outside of the Christian community. A 2013 Pew Research Center survey found that 80% of non-Christian Americans celebrate Christmas. In light of this, Christians rightly emphasize the need to remember the "reason for the season." This is a caution for those that can get distracted by the materialism and busyness of the season. Let us not celebrate Christmas like an unbeliever.
However, I think it is valuable to consider the allure that Christmas has even over the unbelieving community. What is it about this holiday that attracts so many non-religious devotees? In his novella A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens writes, "There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor." For obvious reasons, people connect Christmas with good will, irrepressible laughter, and an abundance of joy. Even the grumpiest grinch is looking for a reason to laugh.
As we celebrate the birth of our Savior, a focus on the central reason of this season should naturally engender an overflow of joy that will make this season so special for our children. The hopeful anticipation, the generous giving of gifts, and the hearty laughter around the dinner table all make Christmas "irresistibly contagious." Dickens argues that Christmas calls us as adults to return to our childhood, "For it is good to be children sometimes, and never better than at Christmas, when its mighty Founder was a child Himself." I wish you all a Merry Christmas.
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It would be difficult to find a person that could honestly say they don't like music. It would be significantly easier to find the person that says they don't like to sing or perform music. Our modern culture trains our children from their youngest years to make a distinction between those who listen to music and those who create music. I remember making the unfortunate choice in my elementary years to pursue the listening path. Daniel Levitin, author of the book This Is Your Brain on Music, argues that this is not how it has always been, "Only relatively recently in our own culture, five hundred years or so ago, did a distinction arise that cut society in two, forming separate classes of music performers and music listeners. Throughout most of the world and for most of human history, music making was as natural an activity as breathing and walking, and everyone participated."
A primary goal of Stonehaven's music program is to eliminate the lines between the music performers and the music listeners. We are pursuing a culture of singing in our school. Beethoven said, "Music is a higher revelation than all wisdom and philosophy. Music is the electrical soil in which the spirit lives, thinks, and invents." We trust that music has the power to bind together the souls of our children and to unite our school community.
What is the obvious way in which our parents can partner with Stonehaven in this regard? Go beyond being a music listener; Sing in your home. There is no easier time to do so than during the Christmas season.
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One of the family traditions I vividly remember from my childhood was our annual adventure in late November to the Cascade Mountains in search of a Christmas tree. While other families took the easy route to Home Depot, my parents and their group of friends made every effort to make this task as laborious as possible. Driving two hours, ascending a treacherous mountainside to more than 5,000 feet high, putting chains on the tires, trudging through knee-deep snow, cutting down a tree a half mile from the car, dragging said tree back to the car, strapping the sticky tree to the roof of the van, and then passing by more than a few easy-access tree "farms" on the way home. Although I wouldn't be surprised if my father was originally attracted to the idea thinking he might save a few bucks, they probably quickly learned that the true value of the adventure was the creation of a memorable experience. As children, we cherished this adventure. While my parents debated the merit of each tree they passed, the children were sledding and engaging in epic snowball fights.
Understandably, this current season has parents thinking intentionally about the giving of good gifts to our children. Some of the greatest gifts I received from my parents were experiential traditions that brought life and joy to my childhood. As we navigate the coming weeks, what are some experiences we can enjoy with our family and friends? What are the traditions we are intentionally planning that will form and shape the hearts and souls of our children?
What are some experiences or traditions that can bring life and joy to the Advent season?
At last week's Stonehaven Symposium, guest speaker Davies Owens continued to sound the alarm about the effects of smartphone and social media use among children and teenagers. Last year, Mr. Edwards set out some of the recent research on these issues in his Knightly News posts and at a special Cultivate event. Even outside of Stonehaven, I'm sure that the role of technology in our children's lives continues to be a frequent topic of conversation with your spouse, friends, and neighbors.
As we raise this issue again, I would like to exhort us to begin moving from talk to collective action. As a school community, how can we take the lead on this issue? It is hard to feel like we are the only ones holding the line on technology. There is great strength when parents and teachers work together to present a united front to the children in their schools and churches.
Christian parents around the country are already taking important steps in this direction. For example, some groups of Christian parents are taking the "Postman Pledge" (named after the prophetic writer Neil Postman; see link at the end of this post). Others are creating covenants in which parents of students in a particular class mutually agree to delay giving their children phones until a certain age, building networks of trust in which parents can allow their children to play at their friends' homes without fear of their careful posture towards technology being undone in a single afternoon.
With older children in particular, let's invite them to really own and understand for themselves the reasons why your family has made the choices that you have about technology. That way, when the time comes when they will be making their own choices about technology use, they have a foundation of wisdom and understanding upon which they can draw as they navigate the course of their adult lives.
Parents with younger children are in an enviable position where they can begin making decisions around technology without pressure from their children and the surrounding culture. My personal recommendation that I think would be wise in most circumstances: wait until Rhetoric School to provide your child with a phone. Even then, many parents are not starting their children with a smartphone; instead they are choosing one of the non-smartphone options now on the market (e.g., the Wise Phone or the Light Phone).
The Stonehaven School deeply desires that all of our families partner together to train up our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. As a school, we are committed to having conversations about the role of technology in our children's lives at least once a year; be on the lookout for another Cultivate event with Mr. Edwards on this topic in the new year. Let us live fearlessly and courageously as we point our children in all things to Christ our King!
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When I speak with students about their experiences at other schools, the thing that stands out to me the most is just how indoors their education often is. Learning, socializing, and play happen in the classroom, cafeteria, or gymnasium. Now that the days are shorter, how many students will go through their days without any extended time outdoors?
At Stonehaven, we do what we can to push against this discouraging trend. At the Upper School, our students enjoy forty five minutes of unstructured lunch and play outdoors every day. When the weather is nice, classes are often seen meeting at the picnic tables outside our buildings. In the past two weeks, groups of students have gone canoeing on the Etowah River, climbing at Cherokee Rock Village in Alabama, and served a community impacted by a recent hurricane in Valdosta, GA. This week, our seventh graders will go orienteering at Red Top Mountain and a group of Rhetoric students will go backpacking in North Georgia.
Studies showing the physical and mental health benefits of both outdoor and unstructured play for young people are well documented. These outside the classroom experiences present valuable opportunities for students to challenge themselves and develop stronger bonds with one another. More importantly, a commitment to time outdoors is a fundamental part of achieving Stonehaven's mission to develop young men and women who love God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength. By experiencing the beauty of creation, students are met with the realities of God's goodness and power. As we often sing in our morning meeting, "This is my Father's world: I rest me in the thought of rocks and trees, of skies and seas- His hand the wonders wrought."
A phrase that has gained popularity in our culture wars is the statement, "Love is love." We find this passive-aggressive phrase on yard signs, t-shirts, store windows, and parade banners. It presents Christians with an interesting challenge. Do we agree with this statement? Probably not our best strategy to respond with our own yard sign claiming "Love is not love over here!" That such a statement divides people supports pastor Doug Wilson's belief that the central battle of our age is the "battle over the dictionary." We can all agree love is love but this is a most unhelpful definition. One person argues that it is loving to allow women to have abortions. Another would argue that allowing such a procedure is a supreme form of hate. If I were to jump on board with the "love is love" marketing campaign, what are others hearing when I wave this banner? If we are to prepare our children for their future, we need to catechize them at home and in our school with a Biblical definition of love. If our children are not properly rooted in understanding the intent of this phrase, they can be attracted by such platitudes. For certainly they are tempted to think, "Well I believe in love too!"
Where do we point our children to piece together a definition of love? I would encourage us to teach and explain two fundamental truths about how the Bible defines love. First, love is inextricably connected to truth. Second, a love of God will result in obedience to Him.
In 1 Corinthians 13, we find a general description of love that most anyone would agree with. Love is patient and it is kind. It does not envy nor does it boast. But the dividing line of these verses can be found in verse 6 where we find that love "rejoices with the truth." This is significant and we must teach our children that love is not divorced from truth. Pastor Tim Keller says, "Love without truth is sentimentality; it supports and affirms us but keeps us in denial about our flaws." We live in a culture that places affirmation and sentimentality above love. Christian love is when we graciously hold ourselves and others to a Biblical standard of morality. It is not simply telling our neighbor what they want to hear. Love rejoices with the truth.
Second, we find in 1 John 5:3 what it looks like to love God. "For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments." A much loved and popular definition for love is "an intense feeling or a deep affection" for another; A fuzzy feeling in our hearts. This definition is certainly appropriate but intense, fuzzy feelings should end in action. We demonstrate our love for the Lord by obeying his commandments which are clear and binding. God does not allow us to define which of his commandments are loving and which are not so appropriate for our new times. We love by obeying.
What we need to tell our children is that a Christian's view of love will often collide with our culture's definition of love. To tell someone that you disagree with their lifestyle or their moral choices will be defined by some as hate and yet according to a Christian standard, it is the most loving thing we can do. To tell someone that an unborn child is a person and not a choice is love. We are loving our friend when we tell them that they are dishonoring God with their envy, pride, jealousy, arrogance, or lust. The Bible is clear and definitive on issues like homosexuality and transgenderism. We love others when we point them to the truth of Scripture. If we do not help our children define this important word, our culture will do it in our place.
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The school admissions season seems to start earlier each year. Maybe it's the effect that aging has on perception - everything happens faster in my forties. Didn't we just host an Admissions Preview Day? No, Mrs. Miley, that was in February. It's time again. With a growing interest in our school comes a heightened awareness of the responsibility to find "right fit families." We want to maintain a strong community of parents and students who are mission-minded. What do these words mean?
Hopefully this community knows Stonehaven's mission statement: "The Stonehaven School exists to glorify God by cultivating truth, goodness, and beauty in students through a distinctly Christ-centered classical education." It is our aim that we show this to prospective parents through the words that we say, the art and decor in our hallways and classrooms, and the way we interact with one another at school. If you haven't visited Ms. Tolley's Art room and heard her heart for teaching students that they are image-bearers of God, the ultimate artist and creator of beauty, I highly recommend stopping by. Hearing Mrs. Hobson describe the goodness of Rhetoric as persuasion from a heart of love will make you wish you could take her class. We want prospective parents to witness this cultivation of truth, goodness, and beauty, and to desire that for their children. We also want them to commit to this mission in their homes. Prospective parents will visit our school at tomorrow’s Preview Day where they will be asked to contemplate if they share Stonehaven's mission. Stonehaven parents and staff - I'm excited to dig deeper into our mission together at the Symposium on November 7th.
Most of us are quite grateful that we did not grow up in a culture where our marriage was arranged by others allowing minimal interaction and communication before we were asked to say "I do" until death do us part. In a recent BaseCamp Live podcast, classical educator Allison Buras relates the partnership between a school and parents to this very idea: "I almost think of the partnership between parents and a school as an arranged marriage. We hardly know each other before we get started, sign this contract, and commit to doing something together for 13 or 14 years." Although choosing a school is not as binding as our marriage vows, it truly is a significant decision. We are joining a community of friends, submitting ourselves to the wisdom of others, and trusting others to form and shape the affections of our children's hearts.
Stonehaven is not a factory model school where we can select from an a la carte menu what we want our child to look like in thirteen years, press submit at a kiosk, and then wait at the end of the classical Christian school conveyor belt for our desired product. "Wait, this isn't what I ordered!" Classical Christian schools respect the role parents play in their child's education. We are doing our job well when we are communicating, listening, interacting, and living life with our parents.
Want to learn more about how you can best partner with Stonehaven? Helping our parents understand the answer to this question is one of the primary goals of the Stonehaven Symposium coming up on November 7th. Please join us.
Is there any strategic game more classical than chess? Dating back to the seventh century, the ancient game of chess has its own grammar (movements and rules), logic (tactics and strategy), and rhetoric (analyzing and responding to your opponent), each of which must be mastered in order to be a successful player. Chess helps us think strategically, plan effectively, and reason critically. Interestingly, studies have shown that chess improves a child's cognitive reasoning and can even increase math and verbal test scores. Chess can also cultivate virtue; like any sport, showing respect to your opponent, winning gracefully, and losing graciously are all important habits to cultivate.
In the last year, Stonehaven has made large strides in developing our school's chess program. In the Lower School, an after-school chess club is completing its inaugural season of instruction and competition, with an eye towards putting together our first ever team to play against other schools in the January GAPPS regional tournament. Chess boards are also available during lunch on Mondays so students in grades 2-6 can play even if they are not a part of the formal chess club. In the Upper School, students who take the Strategic Thinking practicum imitate chess strategies they've seen work (mimesis) and are encouraged to study the game in order to improve their own skills. Chess can even be a venue for service and community outreach: junior Daniel Anderson is leading an after-school chess club for children in our Fair Oaks Community.
We are excited about the continued growth of our chess program at Stonehaven. Maybe a future Grandmaster is in our midst!
For Stonehaven, our school traditions offer predictable moments in our year, give us opportunities to apply our forms and habits in unique situations, and unite students across classes with similar experiences that will become lasting memories after our Knights have graduated. Similarly, UNESCO's List of Intangible Cultural Heritage includes celebrations, practices, and festivals that cultivate identity and foster shared experiences to a culture at large. This is not unlike daily routines established by parents and teachers to provide predictable rhythms, reinforce expectations, and foster shared experiences. As Dean of School Life, the responsibility of maintaining school traditions that provide a throughline from our former students to our future students falls on me.
As I reflect on our history with the Stonehaven community during our 20th anniversary year, I contemplate how we carefully curate symbols, objects, and words over years of practice, yet each year's experience feels unique. In fact, the necessary quirks of some years' iterations of a tradition (i.e., location challenges, rapid growth, etc.) become incorporated into the subsequent years' iterations. Even so, common alumni questions include: Is D.E.A.R. Day with pajamas and Book Buddies still a thing? Does Mrs. Grote still do a funny poem for the Longfellow Award?
As the homeroom teacher for Class of 2024, I am working with our Seniors and their parents to create new traditions, and I am confident each successive class will enjoy a unique Stonehaven senior experience while the thread of tradition will reaffirm our school culture for years to come.
Those involved in the classical Christian school movement often speak in terms of "rebuilding the ruins." The image in the background often has Greek or Roman columns crumbling to the ground. This analogy certainly has its value but can easily lead us towards an unhealthy view of our work. We are tempted to think that there is no time to "stop and smell the roses" of this beautiful world.
Living in post World War II Germany , the Catholic philosopher and theologian Josef Pieper was confronted with a similar task of rebuilding. The landscape in front of him was more literal than the figurative ruins of modern education. In his essay Leisure: The Basis of Culture, he warns us of the ever-present temptation towards total work, "We are, after all, busy building our house. Our hands are full and there is work for all. And surely, until our task is done and our house is rebuilt, the only thing that matters is to strain every nerve... Of course the world of work begins to become - threatens to become - our only world, to the exclusion of all else. The demands of the working world grow ever more total, grasping ever more completely the whole of human existence."
As many of our families "get away" from the busyness of their work world during fall break, we should consider the vital importance of leisure. Weekends, holidays, and school breaks provide us with opportunities for what some might consider the "unproductive" work of rest, reflection, and contemplation.
When a modern hears the word leisure, we think of couches, hammocks, and turning off our brains. We connect active brains with work, not with leisure. Pieper uses a more classical understanding of the word leisure. The word leisure comes from the Greek word Skole where we get the word school. Leisure in the classical sense is a mental or spiritual attitude, a condition of the soul, that causes us to contemplate the deepest and most important truths of reality. It is learning for the sake of learning, without concern for its usefulness. Pieper says it, "is a form of that stillness that is necessary preparation for accepting reality; only the person who is still can hear, and whoever is not still, cannot hear."
In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says, "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you" (Matthew 6:25-32). Jesus invites us to put down our hammers and shovels and consider the restful lilies of the field.
My hope and prayer is that our children see their parents and teachers as masters of both work and leisure. There is much work to be done. We are called to be diligent and industrious. We are building, restoring, renewing, reforming, and redeeming a ruined world. Yet, we need to model rest, reflection, and contemplation for our children. The worker will always be tempted towards anxiety and stress. For our work is never and will never be fully completed. If we are aware of this tendency, we will fight against the temptation for total work by pursuing leisure.
As we rest and contemplate, let us not turn off our brains. Let us turn them to the true, good, and beautiful things of this world. Pieper says that, "The soul of leisure, it can be said, lies in "celebration". Celebration is the point at which the three elements of leisure come to a focus: relaxation, effortlessness, and superiority of "active leisure" to all functions." The greatest form of celebration is that of worship of the true and living God. The modern man finds worship an utter waste of time. The Christian sees worship as our most important work.
At Stonehaven, we believe that education is soulcraft. That is to say, the ultimate goal of a Stonehaven education is not college admissions or vocational training, but rather the formation of young people in faith and virtue. Our intentionality about spiritual formation can be seen across our K-12 program, even as it may look different over time as students grow and mature.
As a school, we have recognized a need to provide additional opportunities for shaping the hearts of our fifth and sixth grade students at this critical juncture in their development (early adolescence). This year, therefore, we are excited to launch our new "Lords & Ladies" program. This program creates opportunities for students, in sex-segregated groups, to get out of the traditional classroom on Friday afternoons to pursue virtue through the acquisition of new skills and talents.
The "old-world" theme of many of these activities creates distinctive opportunities in line with our classical, Christian mission. Other areas of integration include instruction in habits and manners (e.g., lunch service) virtue (e.g., gratitude, respect, and responsibility), and culture/relationship training (e.g., friendship skills). Currently, boys are honing their archery skills and girls are learning the art of decoupage; both groups were recently blessed with etiquette teaching on how to speak well and virtuously. We are especially grateful for the many parent volunteers that are helping make this such a rich and rewarding time for our students. We look forward to seeing how God uses this program to move in these students' lives!
I'm convinced that many of the tasks that seem incredibly difficult and complex (building an airplane, starting a business, or landing a lunar module on the moon) are composed of a million and one accessible tasks. Many of which could even be defined as easy.
As our children encounter the work of their lives, they will be tempted to consider it too difficult; "I can't do this... This math homework is impossible... It's too hot outside!" As Christian parents and educators, we want to change our child's perception of "impossible" tasks into "doable" tasks.
In 2008, twin brothers Alex and Brett Harris wrote the book Do Hard Things. The essential premise of the book is to combat "the Myth of Adolescence" and propose that Christian culture adopt higher expectations from their young people. They clarify their target saying, "The problem we have is with the modern understanding of adolescence that allows, encourages, and even trains young people to remain childish for much longer than necessary. It holds us back from what we could do, from what God made us to do, and even from what we would want to do if we got out from under society's low expectations."
In our churches, our homes, and at Stonehaven, we can swim against the current of low expectations. The teenage years need not be defined by immaturity and irresponsibility. We are excited to partner with our parents in expecting great things of our children and then training them how to do what they might think impossible.
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It was a moment almost lost to sports history if not for a perceptive cameraman who decided to keep his lens focused on a background character to the unfolding drama. The day was April 11th, 2021 and the venue was The Masters golf tournament in Augusta. Hideki Matsuyama had just become the first male golfer from Japan to win a major championship. His caddie, Shota Hayafuji, followed the tradition of removing the flag from the flagstick. What happened next was most untraditional for the Masters. Hayafuji returned the flagstick to the cup, turned to the golf course while removing his green cap and bowed towards the revered and historic Augusta National golf course.
It was a very simple act and one understandably wonders why it gained so much attention in the media. In response to the hullabaloo, Hayafuji explained his action saying, "My heart was full of gratitude, and it was the natural thing for me to bow and show respect to the Masters. I was saying 'Thank you very much!" The respect demonstrated by Hayafuji's authentic and unexpected gesture reminded us of higher things.
This past week, Stonehaven participated in our first athletic competitions of the school year; volleyball games on Thursday and Friday and a cross country meet on Saturday. It is important for us to remember that even though sports provide a unique opportunity for our children to grow in Christian virtue they can also be a breeding ground for pride, arrogance, discontentment, and idolatry.
On a recent visit to Goodwill, I came across a t-shirt saying, "It's hard to be humble when you're king of the jungle." I get it, the school's mascot is the Lions and they are just having a fun play on words. But, this illustrates how easily we can conflate a competitive athletic spirit with pride. Sports create an interesting dilemma for the legalistic Christian. Football players are consistently seeking to deceive their opponents. Hockey players are aggressively pursuing the other players with the goal of stealing the puck from them. Boxers gain an advantage when they intimidate the opposing boxer. To play these sports well, one might say that it depends on how well you can deceive, steal from, and intimidate your opponents. The best athletes don't slow down to allow their opponent to catch up. When we step on the field or court, we are agreeing to the rules of the game that might reward and require deceipt, stealing, and intimidation. For this reason, we should not be surprised when athletic programs keep pushing the envelope and end up in a very unhealthy place. Forging birth certificates, overlooking major ethical violations, and performance enhancing drugs becomes standard fare when winning is the most important thing. Where do we draw the line?
How can Stonehaven develop an athletics program that is distinguished by Christian virtue?
Last year, in connection with our focus on gratitude, we asked our student athletes to express their thanks to coaches, referees, and other officials after a game or match. We want this to become a staple of our Stonehaven athletics program. Stonehaven shows their gratitude to our own and also to others.
Japanese soccer fans have developed a reputation for cleaning up trash in stadiums after games. The coach of the Japanese national soccer team Hajime Moriyasu says, "For Japanese people, this is just a normal thing to do. When you leave a place, you have to leave it cleaner than it was before." Sounds like a Stonehaven shout out! As we focus on responsibility this year, we are going to initiate a focus with our coaches, children, and parents on how we can take responsibility for thoroughly cleaning up our space at the end of every game, match, or cross country meet. Imagine if we could gain a similar reputation as a school for diligently cleaning up after ourselves.
It is not hard to find some appalling videos online of coaches and parents violently attacking referees after a bad call. Although these are relatively rare, it is common to find coaches and parents disrespecting referees when the call has not gone their way. We want to train our children on how they can challenge a call respectfully recognizing the difficult job given to officials in sports games.
Vigorously pursuing victory does not mean we can't also exhibit humility. Flexing our muscles and standing over a fallen opponent is an obnoxious display of arrogance. We want to develop athletes at Stonehaven that compete at their highest level but do not laugh, ridicule, or taunt their opponents. Humility is certainly one of the most challenging virtues to maintain in the world of athletics.As we continue to grow and enhance our athletics program, we are challenging our children to be athletes defined by gratitude, responsibility, respect, and humility.
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I love Winston Churchill. Most historians today regard Churchill as a larger than life leader who possessed an extraordinary degree of tenacity, wisdom, and resilience. Combine these virtues with his clever wit, infectious joy, and boisterous laughter and we begin to see how he became such a historical legend. Although most often remembered for his bold leadership during World War II, Churchill was responsible for major failures during his life. Arguably his greatest failure being the disastrous and deadly Gallipoli campaign of World War I.
What I find so instructive is that even after great failures, Churchill did not shy away from taking on immense responsibility. He would go on to say, "The price of greatness is responsibility." From politics to athletics, greatness comes to those that want the proverbial or physical ball in their hands when it matters the most. Let me tell you one thing Michael Jordan never said in a huddle near the end of a close game; "Don't pass the ball to me."
This year, Stonehaven has chosen to focus on the virtue of responsibility. Our desire is to see our children appreciate and assume the great responsibilities God has placed on their lives. Author of the book Man's Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl, says, "A man who becomes conscious of the responsibility he bears toward a human being who affectionately waits for him, or to an unfinished work, will never be able to throw away his life. He knows the 'why' for his existence, and will be able to bear almost any 'how.'"
How is Stonehaven cultivating responsibility in our children? Below are just a few of the ways we are challenging our children to assume responsibility.
The first two weeks of school at Stonehaven is like an intensive boot camp focused on routines, procedures, and liturgies. The x's and y's of mathematics, sounding out our phonics blends, and the important dates in our history timeline take a backseat to training our children how they walk in a line and where to stop in the hallway. Some might wonder if this is not a waste of precious time... "What about learning? After all, my child's future job won't be predicated on how quickly they can get their hands into ready position." At Stonehaven we state in our foundational commitments that, "true education recognizes that hearts and minds are shaped not only by ideas and knowledge, but also by practices, habits, routines, and liturgies." A classical educator and author of the book Tried and True, Daniel Coupland says, "The long term focus of implementing routines should be the cultivation of good character and development of productive habits in students that will serve them throughout their entire lives." This is why we spend so much time, energy, and thought in these initial weeks on training our children the minutiae of our school's routines and procedures. Philosopher Will Durant says, "Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit."
What if we are trying to break a bad habit? As hard as it might be to overcome a bad habit, there is hope. Journalist and author of the book The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg says, "What we know from lab studies is that it's never too late to break a habit. Habits are malleable throughout your entire life. But we also know that the best way to change a habit is to understand its structure - that once you tell people about the cue and the reward and you force them to recognize what those factors are in a behavior, it becomes much, much easier to change." Duhigg clarifies a three-stage loop that defines our habits; the cue, the routine, and the reward. For a person with a smoking habit, when they see a pack of Marlboros (the cue), it causes their brain to anticipate the soothing effects of nicotine (the reward) by smoking the cigarette (the routine). Duhigg argues that the golden rule of habit change is to diagnose and retain both the old cue and reward but find a substitute for the routine. What better routine can generate relaxation and stress relief? This is what we must remember as we train our children into better habits. Diagnose the cue and reward and then work through the demanding work of executing a true, good, and beautiful routine that provides us with the same reward.
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In the first chapter of Tolkien's book The Hobbit, Gandalf says to Bilbo Baggins, "I am looking for someone to share in an adventure that I am arranging, and it's very difficult to find anyone." Bilbo responds, "We are plain quiet folk and have no use for adventures. Nasty disturbing uncomfortable things! Make you late for dinner! I can't think what anybody sees in them."
As we begin this school year at Stonehaven, I invite our community to join us on the adventure that will be the 2023-2024 school year. This year is particularly special as we celebrate our 20th anniversary. Join us for the many true, good, and beautiful things that will certainly happen at Stonehaven. But know that even the best adventures include "uncomfortable" things. In The Fellowship of the Ring, Frodo remembers Gandalf saying, "It is a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." Our children will encounter frustrating academic challenges and will navigate difficult social and emotional relationships. I can't promise it will always be easy or comfortable but I trust the Lord's promise that it will be good (Romans 8:28).
Nearing the end of his life Bilbo says, "Don't adventures ever have an end? I suppose not. Someone else always has to carry on the story." This year, even if it might make us late for dinner, let us take responsibility for writing the next chapter of the Stonehaven story.
